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<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm….nothing?
<Jeedo> So….want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait….did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes  Mrs.Miller.. :-/

We always hear “the rules” from the female point of view… Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine…Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

source: http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showforum=30

Shout... as loud as You can...

jokes:

Town’s Fire Alarm
Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop…suddenly the Town’s Fire Alarm went off … one jumped up and headed for the door … his friend shouted, “Hey, Tom, I didn’t know you were a fireman!”
Tom replied, “I’m not, but my girlfriend’s husband is…”

blonde
A blonde calls this rural fire department all excited. She says, “Come quick my barns on fire, my barn’s on fire.” The dispatcher says, “Calm down now just tell us how to get there.” She says, “Oh, don’t you have that big red truck anymore?”

Sherri: Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?
Jason: No.
Sherri: It’s when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear “Your sister was better than you…”, and try to hold on for 8 seconds.

source

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
• Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
• Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she’s pregnant.

What will she ask you?
“Is it mine?”

————————————————————-

Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
Who cares?

Blondes

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

“Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.”

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.

“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly.

“The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the ’statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

Husband asks, ‘Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’!’

Wife replies, ‘No, it means ‘With Idiot For Ever’!!!’

Husband: ‘When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?’

Wife: ‘I clean the toilet.’

Husband: ‘How does that help?’

Wife: ‘I use your toothbrush .’